Endings

I always find it hard when something comes to an end. I can handle the pain, emotional and otherwise, but what I find hard when things resume, is the void that they leave behind. Something which occupied my mind for so long is no longer there. Today is one of those days; I graduated with an MA in English and walked the stage that packed us - graduates and audience - like chickpeas in a can. My husband, Bryan was there, and so was Jack my little boy, and my in-laws, Jeana and Juan-Carlos (don't worry, they all will have an official introduction soon). Others very dear to me were not in attendance; my parents and sisters live in Albania and Canada. I did not feel anything out of the ordinary, no fireworks, no overwhelming emotion, but what made me know what was really happening, what pulled me out of the coffeeless, numb stupor, was seeing my super husband armed with a backpack of diapers, portable DVD player, camera, etc., Jack on his shoulders, taking pictures of me walking. For a few seconds I sobbed inside. It was a good thing.

I no longer have deadlines (I do, but for the moment I have made them invisible) looming, no mammoth-sized thesis to write (I still have to make the final changes for binding), and no more reading books for classes (I have a long book list to go through by the end of the summer). It has been an intense 2 years, difficult, beautiful; Bryan and I have read together, debated in class together (him taunting the feminist in me mostly), shared ideas, beautiful ideas, shared many difficult times. Now that it has all come to an end, as I walked across that stage I knew that I would miss it and I was thankful that it was over.

So to celebrate the end of a time and the beginning of another, which will hopefully still be filled with beautiful words, images, friends, and food, I baked. I baked my friend Sunny's yam muffins, but with a few additions. Her version, which she wrote on a note card that is now covered in oil stains, dried batter, and coffee spots, is just as delicious, but I felt adventurous and departed the recipe (as I often do). I do hope you try them. And I do hope that they comfort your morning just as they filled my evening and my house with a lingering sweet hush. It's going to be a good night.

Spiced Sweet Potato Muffins

Ingredients:
1/2 cup of sweet potatoes, cooked* and roughly mashed (approximately 1/2 sweet potato)
3/4 cup of sugar
3/4 cup of canola oil
2 eggs, beaten
1 1/2 cup of self-rising flour
1/2 teaspoon of cinnamon (I really like Saigon cinnamon)
1/4 teaspoon of nutmeg
1/2 cup of yellow raisins (sultanas)
1/2 of chopped walnuts

-Preheat oven at 350 F.
-Either spray a muffin pan (12 cup) with baking spray, or line the cups with muffin paper.
-In a large mixing bowl, combine the sweet potatoes, sugar, oil, and eggs.
-In a different mixing bowl, mix the flour with the cinnamon and nutmeg.
-Add flour mixture to the egg mixture and blend until moistened. Be careful to not over mix the batter.
-Fold in the raisins and nuts.
-Spoon into the muffin cups.
-Bake 15-20 minutes**

Makes 12 muffins.

*To cook the sweet potato, peel it and cut it in 1 1/2 inch cubes, and put it in a pan of boiling water. The cubes should be soft and ready to mash in 5 minutes. You can check for doneness with the tip of a knife.
**Baking time will depend on the oven. Mine can get quite hot, so I usually place the muffin tin on top of a cookie sheet in order to prevent burning.

-E.